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MG MGF Technical - Go MGF racing - and get paid for it!!!
|...you just need to be the Rover trained MGF mechanic I need for a 2-car MG Challenge race team this year. 8 weekends away plus general preparation work in the week or at weekends to suit you. Work alongside the MG Sport and Racing technical team at races. All expenses paid plus decent money for an experienced MGF spanner twiddler. Email or phone me on 01453 8730383.|
|Damn, I thought I was getting paid to race :-(|
|Hello I work in englands for 2 weeks now. My boat he has arrived only of one month. I came here to earn monies for me. A man in garage for car that goe wrong says now I am fully trained mgf mechanic. This please me and I excite much.|
Please talk to my phone, his name I forget, anyways, I am a fully trained mechanic according to my shiny mg badge.
Many thankings to you for the employment, I demanding only £55 per hour, so that I earn as much as man who plays with his feet kicking balls on a saturday. I only want £114,000 a year its much reasonables - decent monies,no. Englands makes me very happy, nowhere else could I excite so.
|Help! Help! Mr Webmaster! I'm being abused!|
You sound rather over-educated to be a genuine MG-Rover factory-trained technician. I sense foul play here.... That and the fact that you only want to charge £55 per hour. Still, you've done well to spot that spannering muhguhfuhs is definitely the way to unparalleled riches. In the interests of immigrants to the UK from Hull, I think it's only fair to offer you an interview. The team will be testing this weekend at Knockhill and you are invited along. Knockhill is quite close to Brands Hatch which you have no doubt heard of. Just drive along Piccadilly and keep turning left. Don't forget to bring your left-handed hammer and your hydrolastic (TM) pump.
Team Rapid Racing is an equal opportunities employer.
|Mr Dick Defnothull,|
Many thankings for giving me your qualification above Rover technician. I no want foul play with you, only 55£ for hour. Notwithstanding to square the circle (I learn good english) please give me directions from hull to your brands hatch. My friend he has a car, it will take to london he say. I am good mechanic so will get to you soon. Maybees I will come in my mgf, that I borrow from garage for day.
I will go today to B&Q and by aall my needed tools, a hammer, 12 pice socket set and a pimp.
Much thanking to you
You must be missing Latvia so much. I'm sure Hull must seem a very cosmopolitan sort of place to you - are you there on a cultural exchange visit? The quickest route to Brands Hatch is by way of Rockingham - after entering the circuit there, keep the wall on your right hand side and keep following the wall. You can't miss it.
If you are going to come in a borrowed MGF, make sure it has nice wipe-clean leather upholstery.
I'm not quite sure you meant to visit B&Q to buy special tools for an MG? I guess this was a spelling mistake and you meant B&G the mg specialists in Hertfordshire? B&G stock a far superior pimp to B&Q. Just call 01462 490049 and ask to speak to Big Malcolm.
Give my regfards to your mother back in Latvia.
|Mr Dick Defnothull|
Hull is much normals for me. I know you have a cosmotpolitan man, but what has he to do with icecream. Cultuaral exchange true - I met a man, at the dock he say many peoples come here weekly in containors and that men in uniform blue dont realise - it happy me to work here.
Getting down to a busines - I now have a pimp for you and full tools. I went to the BandQ for tools - much range - hammers and thing, I only want to do "halve asses job" - I think its moto for firms.
I borow green mgf for weekend, its very big to travel - room for tools and large pimp. As for wipe clean interiors I have not - it is coth trim -unfortunanetly for me.
Much reagards to you
|My father he would say never take no for a no, so please let me no if you want to work me.|
|Dear Mr Bubbles|
Sorry about the absence there. Had to spend the weekend spannering the F because you didn't turn up! What happened? Could you not find Castle-Knockhill-Combe-by-Oulton-on-Lydden Hill? Can you not read the map you bought in B&G... or maybe it's just that your pimp needs more lubrication?
I really do think with such a lack of initiative, sub standard tools and training plus the intention to "do a halve asses job" as you put it, you really should be looking at working for an MGR main dealer. You don't already work in the spare parts centre in Longbridge do you? Or perhaps you are organising the MG Challenge events for the MGCC this year?
Have you considered a career in F1? I did hear that Ferrari are looking for someone to do a "halve asses job" of removing traction control from their car.
Ah well, time to retire to my garage again to carry on hitting the F's front subframe with a sledgehammer.
|Thanks Guys |
Best laugh I have had for a long time. Very clever work
|Mr Dick Defnothull,|
I just return from epique journey in mgf. I travel for hour and hours. Until the coolant he not remain calm. The guages they excite and I stop.
I made it to Sheffield - its much cultural like Hull. I ask a man to help, he in white van. But he ran off with all my tools. He has taken my lovely pimp. No worries he will make a return.
As I travelling down with my brother, my cousin, my aunt, my other brother and my man who know cars it was easy to push the car home.
However, I see why people join an aa. I seen the problems of traveling in an mgf. It drives me to drink.
Much reagards to you
Poor fellow! You must be - as we say here in England -gutted. First of all your MGF develops a most unusual problem and then some blighters in a van pinch your pimp. Pretty bad show. But never mind, things could have been worse. You could have been driving a Hillman Imp which experienced an HGF (a Hillman Imp is another aluminium engined sportscar with 'quirky' suspension and therefore an obvious forerunner of the MGF) and it could have been Alex Ferguson who stopped to help you. As I've always said, if you don't like pushing, don't buy a British car/motorcycle and don't travel on the London Underground. Lucky indeed that your entire extended Latvian family were with you in the car at the time.
AA.... driven to drink... was this an old Latvian pun?
And never mind travelling in an MGF, how mad is it to want to go racing in one? No wonder the MG Sport & Racing people have to turn up with TWO (count them, TWO) 38ft artics full of spare parts to support a championship with six cars in it! A nasty rumour is spreading that the trucks will be accompanied by an armoured car this year, due to the fact that they contain the only MGF spares in the world.
So, still keen on being an MGF race team techie then?
May I suggest to anyone mad enough to be reading this that they might like to donate £10 to a fund I am setting up to replace Mr Bubbles' pimp and head gasket??
Yours, with the stiffest of upper lips
PS You're not the chap I saw last week working in the kebab shop in Tottenham Court Road are you?
|Mr Dick Defnothull,|
Laugh till I cry, even I a technician of mgf have head failures. My bosses in Hull were unhappy.
They excite, throw spanners alround. He keep to say manwell manwell manwell. Buts its not true, its steptronics. He get much un-normals.
A hammer he hit me to head. I go to phone the nice man who make money by claiming injuries.
My boss he excite and now I no job. But I still have shiny mgf badge, so I guess still qualification enough.
I look on internet for ebay for new tools and I find all tools and new pimp for me.
I sorry for miss your mgf racing. I sure you will have needed my attention. Mgf is a car for mechanics who know money.
My cousin he say if you like, my other cousin can give you free chips with your kebab at South Tottenham Kebab and Curry.
|Gem of a thread :0)|
>> time to retire to my garage again to carry on hitting the F's front subframe with a sledgehammer...
Oh dear, Richard, do we assume that you "fell off"?? It's a bit curly and quite narrow at Knockhill, isn't it??
Hope there's not TOO much damage.
I can sympathise with your predicament because I have met the Service Manager at typical MGR dealer Hullmgfmotors; Mr Fawlty isn't it? Did you know that close relatives of his work as Service Managers at almost every MGR dealer worldwide? Apparently their rather better adjusted brother keeps a hotel in Torquay. BTW, talking of family connections, I see that other members of the Bubbles family run a dry-cleaning shop in London W1 and a massage parlour in Bristol.
Jolly bad show the HGF old boy. It is odd though that you laughed until you cried... in the same circumstances, many MGF owners have cried until they laughed! And now they seem such a jolly bunch on this BBS. Hysteria, I suppose.
In your extensive two-week apprenticeship at Hullmgfmotors, did they teach you how to make an MGF front subframe out of a Metro one? Because MGR can't supply a new subframe for any of the 70,000 MGFs out there but they do have 16,000 Metro subframes in stock just in case one of the seven Metros still on the road needs one. Still, coming from the former Soviet Union, I suppose you are familiar with the problems of a command economy?
Perhaps we could start a new trend as a result of our internet meeting that many other MGF owners might want to copy. We could pool our resources and make one good car out of our two broken ones!!!
Number 43 (who is number 2?)
|Mr Dick Defnothull,|
I no make good car, say mr faulty at mgfhull motors. They say too that he is mr faulty. An mgf come in and he say faulty - its much reasonables.
Notwithstanding it make money for me and it pay for my boat and pimp.
I a man with much experience, nearly two week at mgf dealer. That is many car, many mr faulty. Sure I will find new employ with soon. Perhaps my skill are in need at other garage.
But with our knows, we build and make cars of kit - with resins of fibre.
I look on internets todays to find you infomations.
|Had problems reading this thread due to the tears running down my face!!|
'mon the bubbles!!!
|Bubbles, learn MGF techniques, you can.|
You must USE the FORCE.
With your Pimp, the FORCE inside you, grow it will.
Come, let me teach you. Yes.
|Dear Mr Bubbles|
I see we have been joined by a lover of Haiku poetry, calling himself Yoda. I would imagine that many MGF owners pursue the calming influence of Haiku whilst waiting five weeks for that elusive (insert name of spare part here) to arrive from Longbridge. If they didn't, their blood pressure would be higher than that in your new hydrolastic pimp.
Sad to hear about your unemployment old chap. But your idea about hastily knocked together fibreglass kit cars is a good one - it seems to work very well for Lotus. Have you thought about finding a more technological outlet for your own skills? With the advent of 3G internet services to mobile phones, a technology sure to be 'early adopted' by gizmo-keen MGF owners, you could offer an internet diagnostic service to them. They could send you pictures of their HGF and you could diagnose it. As an HGF. You could even have a link to the stock control system at the factory for ordering spares (you don't have to bother with this bit, just put up a page that says 'Nil Stock', it would be accurate enough).
I guess you must be overjoyed to hear the announcement of the moving of all TF production to Latvia under the new 'Latvia Brilliance' project? It sounds like another MGR winner to me. Imported British cars.
Do give my regards to Mr Fawlty
|Greetings Master Richard.|
Haiku poetry? Yes, an appreciator I am.
Useful to calm the disturbance in the force, whilst waiting for MGF parts, it is.
I have now found reemploymentment in Rover cars.
I sorry for misconfuse you. I know you must be waiting long on my corresspondence.
I try to talk to your email, he name is not known.
Many thankings for now
Delighted to hear of your return to the 'Dark Side' of employment at MGR. Is your new Service Manager another member of the Fawlty family as we expected he/she might be? Was your sudden re-employment the result of the Latvia Brilliance Project? I know this is pretty hush-hush and I wonder if I should have mentioned it in such a public place?
Back to the original topic of the thread - are you going to be able to come and play roundy-roundy cars this year? It's not clear which championship us Trophy runners will be in, or indeed which rounds of which championship, which is very stimulating for one's sponsors, pit crew, etc. but hey - it's a privilege to be messed around by such a great club as the MGCC. Mind you, I have to admit, the BRSCC is no better. Well, if/when things get sorted, I will let you know the dates and you simply must come along for a cucumber sandwich and a cup of tea in our pit garage.
If you are extremely well behaved, I will introduce you to Lloyd Tredell so you can ask for his autograph.
Yours in mirth and merriment
This thread was discussed between 04/02/2003 and 04/03/2003
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